七部小说 · Seven Novels

2026 年完整 Book 1 · 中英对照
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第 04 章

中文

第四章 ——《新雅》

我走进新雅时,泰迪·哈姆斯沃斯已经在角落那张桌上坐着。从两只茶碟和第二壶咖啡看,他从十一点起就一直坐在那张角桌上,正读着《字林西报》——读得并不怎么有底气,这是他从二月里开始养下的习惯,因为他从那时起便开始不赞成自己登在自己报上的文章。

新雅在南京路上,电影院与雨伞铺中间,离慈裕洋行隔两扇门面。这是上海三家咖啡馆里,一位中国女人可以独自坐在窗边、不必给出任何说法的地方之一,也是这三家中唯一一家蛋糕做得老实的。蛋糕做得老实,是因为那位德国师傅——一位名叫鲁道夫的人,一九三四年以前在国泰饭店做点心总厨,因与维克多爵士的总管谈薪不拢而辞职——当银元兑英镑跌下去、国泰的管事吩咐他用猪油替黄油时,他不肯。他降了价钱到新雅来做。蛋糕没变。英国太太们都晓得。她们坐在后头的圆桌边,点蜂针蛋糕(Bienenstich)与奶油起司挞,谈她们的厨子。

我进去时,泰迪起身。他三十一岁,六尺一寸,长着那种红头发男人特有的瘦脸——一辈子被人劝着该戴顶帽子,却始终不曾戴。那身白亚麻西装就是那身白亚麻西装。领子干净。我心想,他在瘦下去。从二月起他就在瘦下去,而我一直到这个礼拜二,才决定那「瘦」是不是一件我该说出口的事。

「苏小姐,」他说,「早安。」

「早安,哈姆斯沃斯先生。」

「你迟到了九分钟,这是本月第二回,这就成了规律,这就意味着我要为此叫人受不了。」

「你才不会为此叫人受不了。」

「我要用两种语言叫人受不了。英文的难受法,与中文的难受法——中文的更折磨人些,因为中国人在这件事上练得更多。」

我坐下。女招待立刻就过来。她端来我的茶——新雅是全上海唯一在壶盖里搁一颗小小的白梅子的地方,这习惯是鲁道夫从他年轻时做过的一家维也纳店里偷来的——又给泰迪换上一壶热咖啡。这女招待是新来的。她没朝我多看一眼。我已在新雅来了两年,只被人认出过一回,是百代的一位星探认的,我当场报了个别的名字给他——我是杨小姐,先施公司的,我有个妹妹长得像那位歌女——此后再没见过他。新雅的窍门在早晨的光。早晨的光顺着雨伞铺的雨遮斜斜地照到南京路上,再以那么一个角度落到新雅的窗上,使坐在窗边的女人看上去像别的女人,不像她们自己。我已经断定,这便是我来这里的缘故。

「礼拜末过得如何,」泰迪说。

「清静。」

「这是谎话。」

「这是谎话。你的呢。」

「乏味。我去了长酒吧,喝了过头的杜松子酒,与美孚石油办事处的一个人争辩,说日本锡的新关税究竟——按他坚持的那样——是一项审慎的行政措施,还是按我坚持的那样,是开战前倒数第二回的警告。他到十点钟便不喜欢我了。到十一点我们同意各持己见。到午夜他在请我喝第四杯杜松子,说他有个外甥在凯厄斯学院,或许能替我在那边谋一份专栏。我自八岁起就在凯厄斯没有过专栏。」

「他指的是不是《剑桥评论》上的专栏。」

「他指的便是《剑桥评论》上的专栏。我没忍心告诉他,我已十一年没在剑桥了,《剑桥评论》——我若没记错——是由本科生编的,他们每学期都要被很有礼貌地告诫两回,不许诽谤潘布罗克学院的院长。我让他请了第四杯杜松子。我坐了人力车回家,梦见了切威尔河。我有十年不曾梦见切威尔河。今天早上我六点醒了,觉得《剑桥评论》压在我良心上,好像我就是那主编,对不起我的职守。」

「这便是杜松子酒在男人身上做的事。」

「这便是杜松子酒在男人身上做的事。」他取出他随身带着上课的那本小黑封面袖珍笔记本,翻到新一页,「今天的生词,按你一贯虐待我母语的法子来说,糟透了。IndemnityMortgageDefalcation。你不会喜欢这几个。」

事实上,他礼拜天给我时我便喜欢上了。这些字是公共租界报纸礼拜一头版上跑的字。Indemnity 我在一九三六年里听过六回,至今念不准。Defalcation 我一回也不曾听过,倒使我起了好奇。

我们开了课。

我并不打算细讲那堂英文课。泰迪是位好先生,是英国人特有的那种冷淡、不滥情的好——他这阶层的人决定花九十分钟去对一个学生感兴趣时便是这样。他不奉承。他不屈尊。他在我辅音错的地方纠正辅音,在我元音错的地方纠正元音,至于我的文法——他从不纠正;他在去年十月便告诉过我,我的文法已经胜过公共租界三分之二的英语人口,这话说得动听,但按他那种字斟句酌的说法,并非不实。我们把三个字过了一遍。Indemnity 我此刻把 m 摆在了对的地方。Mortgage 我第二回就过了关。Defalcation 我从未念出口过,此刻也没有念。

Defalcation,」泰迪说,「源出拉丁文 falx,镰刀——切去之意。是一种具体地涉及商业的切去——切去一笔受人之托管的款子。」

「侵占。」

「Embezzlement 指的是本就不该到手的款子。Defalcation 指的是受人交托的款子。盗用东家钱的人是 defalcator。劫银行钱的人是 embezzler。」

「英文里偷字的字够多么。」

「够多。文言里也有非常具体的动词—— dào 与 qiè——《礼记》里的分别,我那位先生一九三二年也未能完全替我讲明白。我们扯平。」

我喝我的茶。泰迪身后那张圆桌坐着两位英国太太,她们说话的声音传得出来,正谈着霞飞路上一位俄国女裁缝——三月里给其中一位做了一袭旗袍,缝线歪了。这段话已经讲了四十分钟。那女裁缝,依第二位太太的说法,哭了。

泰迪压低了声音。

「我可以问你一件事么,苏婉吟。是以一个时而是朋友的人的身份,不是以你先生的身份。」

「可以。」

「你累了。」

「我累了。」

「这不是回答。」

「不是。」

他让那一刻搁在那儿。他慢慢翻动笔记本,一直翻到靠后的一张空白页。他没有写。他把笔横放在那张空白页上。

「我的差事,」他说,「是每礼拜替《字林西报》交两篇专栏,这十四个月里头没有一篇是全文登出来过的,因为这十四个月里头公共租界工部局董事会一直在删掉「日本」「侵略」与「让步」这几个字,按此先后。第一回发生时我动了气。第二回我糊涂了。第三回我回家把康拉德重读了一遍,断定愤怒是一头小小的、无用的兽。这十四个月里我也没把那头小小的无用的兽弄丢。我有意写一本书。书的内容我并不告诉你。」他短促地笑了一下,「我也有意离开上海。我不知道我会不会走。」

我等着。

「这便是我身上不大对头的地方,」他说,「我告诉你,是因为你什么也不告诉我;礼拜二在新雅,我三十一岁、有一位四年没见过面的太太,你二十二岁、坐在我对面、手上没有戒指——因为这城里还没有哪一个男人挣得了替你买戒指的资格——我至少能告诉你我身上不大对头的地方。是不是?」

「是。」

「现在。告诉我你身上不大对头的地方。若你说得出。按你自己的节奏。我不会问第二回。」

我搅了搅那杯茶,虽然那茶并不需要搅。盖里的那颗梅子,被蒸汽逼出了它进壶大约十分钟后才会散出的那一丝甜味。

「一个男人,」我说。

泰迪没动。

「一个男人,」我又说,「开始在他本不该进出的地方留乐谱给我。他用红墨改过我一段过桥。他留下三首他自己写的歌给我。他没告诉我他的名字。他没有——容我说清楚——他不曾碰我。他不曾叫我单独到任何地方去。他从一个摆着一架钢琴的房间那一头跟我说过话。他不曾把自己照亮过。」

「那个摆着钢琴的房间在哪里。」

「这我不告诉你。」

「好。」

「他弹舒伯特,」我说,「他也弹时代曲——礼拜五晚上他弹黎锦晖的时候,那段过桥,他弹的法子我九年里没听任何一个乐队领队那样弹过。他好。他是位好乐手。他是位——」我停下,「他在教我。这就是那个字。他在教我。也不要我付学费。」

「他要什么。」

「他还没说。」

「婉吟。」泰迪没有笑。他那双淡色的眼睛角上,浮着一种小心而留意的关切——是从小有姐妹的男人才有的那种关切。「你晓得,没有哪个英国人会问我接下来要问的这一问,因为我接下来要问的,是非常无礼的那一类问。我之所以问,是因为一九三三年你便对我说过,每当我要无礼时,要先告诉你,让你来决定我可不可以问下去。我接下来要无礼了。」

「请。」

「姚三爷晓得么。」

「不晓得。」

「你确定?」

「礼拜天早上姚三爷托白珠传话给我,说华格臬路那栋宅子不会等过八月。若他晓得,他不会传那话。」

「那位带着歌的英国人呢。」

「不是英国人。」

「不是,」泰迪说,「他不是。是俄国人罢?」

我没有回答。

「我不是在问,」他说,「我只是出声想一想。让我出声想一想。租界里——让我算一算——上回点过,有两万白俄。一半在霞飞路上。这一半里,又有一半泡在那三家私人会所之一里。这里头,受过古典训练的乐手或许有三十个,其中或许有八个曾在百乐门用假名做过事,因为公会不许他们以本名在租界里登台。一九三二到一九三四年间在跑狗场做过首席乐谱总管的,是一位姓茨韦特科夫的俄国人,传说是位白军军官的儿子,又传说一九三四年在闸北附近一场火里没了。这两年里我没听人确证过这传言。我也没听人否认过。改你的乐谱的那位朋友,本可能是的另外四个人,我不打算列名,列名特别不是我分内的事。」

「茨韦特科夫。」

「这名字别再说出口。我本不该告诉你的。我只是出声想一想。我并不知道这件事与那件事是连着的。我并不知道这事跟你描述的那个男人有什么关系。他可以是——他很可能是——一位上海音专一脉的年轻华人作曲家,是陈歌辛或那一茬人的同窗,他下了决心把跳舞场赚的钱喝掉,然后匿名写歌。这城里有六个这样的人。事实上,每年都有六个。音专每年六月至少出四个。」

「音专。」

「上海国立音乐专科学校。一九二七年蔡元培创办。在江湾路上。主要培养钢琴家。作曲系小,又爱起争议。鲍里斯·扎哈罗夫——那位俄国人——在那里任教,照众口的说法,是个难相处的人,也是个出众的人,是上海三十岁以下每一个钢琴家都把柴可夫斯基弹得像俄国人的缘故。」

我把这件事归了档。

「泰迪,」我说,「我也有一件事问你,作为还礼。」

「问。」

「百乐门是一九三二年起在一座仓库之上的。你十一月里告诉我,建造的人没费事去把仓库清空。那是闲话,还是有据可查。」

「有据可查。在租界工部局公务局。我为另一篇稿子曾去过那里。那稿子讲的是一个承包人,海塘工程报低价投标,大理石却报高价开账,被传唤去做证供。我在那儿时,向司簿请调了百乐门的档子,因为我一个礼拜六去过百乐门,朋友说那块舞池板子有名,我对那种弹簧的工法起了好奇。司簿——那位姓胡的先生,跟你那位木匠想来并无亲眷——笑了笑,抽出一只卷宗夹。卷宗夹里写道:建造商行会一九三一年十一月,从一个广东米商手里把那块地皮买下来——那广东人一九二二年在地上盖起了一座两层的仓库,一九二九年破了产。商行没把那仓库拆掉。他们在它周围盖。原来那砖砌的地基与更老的那一层地下室都还留着。卷宗里有一条关于雨水暗渠的疑问。建筑师在请照时,并没把旧暗渠的去向完全勘清楚。工部局公务局允了照,是凭着旧结构已经封死这一项保证。我并不晓得它事实上是否封死了。」

「那一层更老的地下室,有多老。」

「原本是一九二二年建的。所以是十五年前的事。那砖是杨树浦的窑一八八〇年代烧的那种小小的红砖,所以砖也许比这更老——大概是从虹口某处拆下来的旧屋上回收来的,那是那些年广东人喜欢做的事,为省料钱。我问司簿,那仓库为何盖在那块地上。他说是因为,那块地上原本就有一个马车掉头的圈子——一九〇八到一九一九年间,那里有过一爿马车行。所以这地皮在三十年里盖过三处建物。这城里,我们是在铺路之上再铺路。」

我有那么一瞬停了呼吸。那砖是杨树浦的窑一八八〇年代烧的那种小小的红砖。 那便是礼拜五晚上我用左手在楼梯底摸到过的那种砖。

「你不要紧罢,」泰迪说。

「我不要紧。今日的梅子是甜的。」

「是。鲁道夫一直拿什么东西在浸着它们。我并不问是什么。」

我看着他。他把两只手摆在茶碟两侧,是他摆手的那种摆法——是一个男人决定耐心下来时,手会有的歇法。

「泰迪,」我说,「如果一个人——一个并不是我的人——想看一看一九三四年闸北申新印刷工坊一案被打死的人的名单,这样的一个人,要往哪里去看。」

泰迪有两秒钟没动。他端起咖啡杯。他从咖啡杯里啜了一口。他把咖啡杯放下。

「那是另外一个问题,」他说。

「我晓得那是另外一个问题。」

「那是这种问题——在这座城里,回答这种问题的人,并不总把名字还回来。」

「我晓得。」

「这份名单,在租界任何一份立案的报纸上都没有。《字林西报》一九三四年十一月三日登过一则段落,说工部局警务处与法租界巡捕房合力对闸北一处未经准照的印刷活动采取了行动,作业期间四名中国籍人士在一场起因不明的火中身亡。名字没有印。中文的《申报》同一日登过一则相似的段落。法租界的《中法新汇报》一则都没有登,这倒有趣,因为《新汇报》凡事都登,可见是有人吩咐了主编不许登。然而,名单是有的。名单在福煦路十一号三楼一间房子里的一张写字台的一只绿账册里,那便是法租界巡捕房的政治科。账册是法文写的。掌钥匙的人是一位叫里卡尔的中士,礼拜二在法国总会喝酒。我有缘在礼拜二与他同饮过。他从未当着我的面打开过那本账册。一九三五年我借着一种我不打算细说的安排,在里卡尔上厕所的工夫,把那账册翻读过三页。我没把那三页背下来。我也没写下任何东西。倘若一个并不是你的人想晓得那几页上写着什么,那个人就须是——让我想想——那个人就须是我的一位朋友,那位朋友须乐意在礼拜二在法国总会陪一位法国中士喝下三杯杜松子,那位朋友须乐意等到第三杯而不是第二杯。」

他又端起咖啡杯。他没喝。他又把它放下。

「我便是那位朋友,」他说,「如果那个并不是你的人需要那份名单,那个并不是你的人,可以来找我,我去找里卡尔,我把那份名单取来,我交给那个人,我们此后绝不再提此事。是不是?」

「是。」

「婉吟。」

「是。」

「请,不要告诉我那个人是谁。」

「我不告诉。」

「也请,不要告诉我你以为你在做什么。」

「我并不知道我以为我在做什么。」

「这是你所能给的最好的回答。这恰好也是这四年里使《字林西报》没有把我开掉的回答,虽说每年的缘故不同。把蛋糕吃了。它比这场谈话更老实。」

他把那盘子推过来给我。蛋糕是蜂针蛋糕,顶上那层切片杏仁,封在鲁道夫用他一九二八年从汉堡带回来的那只平底锅熬出来的蜜糖黄油里,结成了一层亮面。我把蛋糕吃了。鲁道夫从厨房里探了出来,朝泰迪扬了一扬沾着面粉的手,又回去了。

我们有好一会儿没说话。

「还有两件事,」泰迪说,「然后我便放你走。」

「请说。」

「第一件。伊藤健介少佐——我不知道你留意过没有——近来是百乐门的常客。三个礼拜五的晚上,两个礼拜六,一个礼拜二。一向便服。从来不坐七号桌——直到上礼拜五晚,他头一回坐到七号桌,且专门指了那一桌。引座的老法告诉我。从十一月起,老法便一直把日本人那边的事讲给我听。老法把日本人那边的事讲给我听的缘故——这么说罢——老法之所以把日本人那边的事讲给我听,其中一项缘故,是我付钱给老法叫他讲给我听。其他缘故是:老法是虹口一户天主教家庭出身,他外甥十一月里在外白渡桥被一个日本哨兵打过——老法是有感情的人。」

「我留意到伊藤了。」

「他这会子,几乎也确凿留意到你了。也就是说,你如今上了一种名单——三个礼拜前你还不在那名单上——这份名单不在福煦路那本绿账册里,而是在虹口一栋楼里。虹口那栋楼里的那份名单,不是一种说得脱身的名单。我告诉你,是因为如果我有姐妹也在百乐门,我便会这样告诉她。」

「我明白。谢谢。」

「第二件。我这件外套里头的口袋里,有一支自来水笔,是我父亲一九二〇年送我的,我从不许自己把它丢掉过。我现在要把它放到我这只咖啡杯的茶碟里,你要把它收下,要把它收着。是康威·斯图尔特牌的。笔锋细。请,不要拿它在任何形似合约的东西上签你的名字。请,要拿它来写那些二十年后还须看得清楚的事。它是——你上礼拜想要的那个英文字——legible。这支自来水笔是 legible 的。收下。」

他从外套里取出那支笔。把它搁进茶碟。他把茶碟推过来给我。笔身深绿,近乎黑,笔帽上有一道窄窄的金箍。笔尖是细锋。

我把它拿起。

「泰迪。」

「收下。」

「为什么。」

「因为我不知道地下里有什么,我不知道下一年里会有什么样的名单存在,我不知道那将存在的名单,要不要由你亲手、以可辨认的墨水、在一张要比上面的人活得更久的纸上写下来。这些事我一件也不知道。我在礼拜二的新雅,给你一支自来水笔。这便是我此刻所做的事。蛋糕,在这桩交易里,是巧合。」

我把笔放进手袋,放在那只黄铜钥匙旁,放在那三张折好的乐谱旁,放在那份我礼拜五买下来、至今未扔的《申报》旁。手袋越来越重。我心想,这手袋已开始当一处私人的小写字台用了。

「谢谢,泰迪。」

「不必谢我。那不过是一支自来水笔。它比你大四十岁。它是我父亲一九一六年从一道战壕里写明信片寄给我母亲用的——他事实上没从那道战壕里活着出来。要善待它。如今把剩下的蛋糕吃了。」

我把剩下的蛋糕吃了。我们后头那张圆桌的英国太太们,已从那位女裁缝聊到了萨里郡一所女子学校的话题。这位新来的女招待,从头到尾没朝我多看一眼。早晨的光按它一向落到南京路上的样子落着。隔壁那家雨伞铺每到整点便换一次橱窗。一个戴学帽的中国小男孩,提着一只小提琴匣子从新雅门口走过,往天津路口毛先生那里上他的提琴课。他握着琴匣的姿势,是那种被人告诫过提琴比他叔叔的房子还贵的小孩才有的、小心而占有的姿势。

我们又坐了一分钟。然后泰迪结了帐——他每礼拜二都付帐;他一九三五年二月里曾告诉我,他将每礼拜二都付帐,直到我请他不要再付,而我没请——他给鲁道夫的外甥赏了一块银元——鲁道夫那外甥并不值那一块银元——我们便走到南京路上,泰迪往西朝长酒吧去,我往东朝外滩去,我们没有回头看彼此一眼,这是我们的约定。

我于正午过外滩。海关大钟敲了十二响。煤气灯没点,因为是正午。海堤比我礼拜二预料的安静——三个拉黄包车的歇在福州路口,一个卖花的女人在汇丰银行的台阶上卖茉莉,一个小男孩在英国领事馆下头那几级台阶下违例地钓鱼。一艘英国海军汽艇从南面溯黄浦江上来,拖着一条窄窄的白色尾迹。汽艇身后,在很远的地方,出云号停在锚地。出云号是一艘日本巡洋舰。出云号已在黄浦江上抛锚九个月。出云号将是次年八月十四日中国空军试图轰炸的那艘船,他们将炸不中,会把南京路与外滩的拐角炸中,会因此炸死我此刻正在过的海堤上的一千二百个百姓。

当然,这个礼拜二的六月里,我并不晓得。

我晓得那艘巡洋舰就在那里。我晓得它二月时就在那里,八月时也会在那里。我晓得去年秋天起,租界的报纸便不再提它泊在哪里,凭着工部局董事会那一套说法——若不提它停在哪里,它就会以某种方式停止停在那里。

我从银行台阶下那位卖花的手里买了一小束白茉莉。我把它放进手袋里,放在那份《申报》上头,放在那些五线纸上头,放在那支自来水笔上头。茉莉花闻起来像四点钟江上的风。

我搭了外滩那一线电车上到南京路,下车,往西走,走进白天的腹心。我离须到百乐门去,还有四小时。我把这四小时走完。我没回家。我走进天津路与北京路之间的那些小弄堂里,看着我已经在这九年里走过却没看见过的东西——文房店、河南路上那家锁匠(橱窗里悬着一把前臂长的黄铜钥匙)、宁波路上那位铜刻匠(招牌上写着名片、门牌、纪念表、双语刻字、三日交件)——每看一件,我便试着去想象那个走过这些东西九年却没看见过的我。那个我已不大存在了。那个我,礼拜五晚上十二点上了一段她手里任何地图都没有标过的楼梯,那楼梯带走了她的一部分。

四点钟我在四川路上一个卖花的那里给林姨买了一小束红尖百合。五点钟我走进弄堂,把百合插进风琴上的那只罐子里,林姨半睡半醒,说真是个孝顺女儿,六点钟我从弄堂的后门出来,搭一辆黄包车回到百乐门,从后门进,上后楼梯到化妆室。

今晚梳妆台上没有乐谱,衣橱后头也没有,礼拜二我要穿的那件鸽灰旗袍的衬里也没有。

我感到——我老实说——失望。我感到一个女人小气、刻薄的失望——这女人在不过七十二小时里,便已开始期待自己被人致意了。

我换上衣裳。我唱了。七号桌的日本武官又来了。他往乐池近移了一座。他没看我。包厢里的姚三爷在第二首歌的过桥处抬起两指。我在「香」字的第三个音节上压了一压,因为他点过名,因为他正在看,因为白珠说过礼拜二与礼拜五我们要把他哄住。我压了,没在那一压里享着什么,包厢里那几位银行家得了他们的彩头,十四号桌那位白兰地洋行的也抬起了头。

第二场下来后,白珠递给我一支烟,我没接。

化妆室里,梳妆台上,粉饼盒底下、与礼拜五头一张字条同样的位置上,搁着一张新的纸。

这一次不是乐谱。

是一张四开纸,与从前同样的廉价百代纸,上面用同样涂着红墨的笔,写着同样的笔走龙蛇的一行字:

里卡尔中士礼拜二在法国总会喝酒。不要派你的英国人去。他从礼拜一起便有人跟着。

我把这一行读了三遍。我坐下。我又读了第四遍。

我把这一行放进手袋,搁在前三张的后头,《申报》的前头,茉莉的上头。

然后我坐在梳妆台前,看了看镜子里的女人,这一次,我完全不认得她了。镜子里的女人晓得我今早十一点半在新雅对泰迪说过的话。镜子里的女人晓得泰迪对我说过的话。镜子里的女人,不是我应允过要做的那一个人。

墙上,靠近接缝底端的壁纸角上,那一道细缝还是原样。

我没按它。

我拿起粉饼盒。我把盖上的小镜歪了一歪。我从那只小镜里看着壁纸上的那道接缝。在那只小镜里,接缝清清楚楚是一道接缝。

「你在么,」我向着房里小声说。

我等。

房间什么也没说回来。

良久之后,我把粉饼盒放下。我下去唱第三场。我唱了。乐队领班金米在过桥处用那道半厘米的眉头看了我,又让它停在那儿。包厢里的姚今晚在过桥处没抬头;他在第二首歌时已把玻璃杯放下,正读着一名中尉送上来的一张小纸条。纸条上写着什么,他读了之后,整晚不再看我一眼。他午夜不带平日的那一颔首便走了。四位中尉里的三位与他同去。剩下一位留在包厢那张茅台未尽的桌前,以受雇看人的那种法子,看着舞池。

我一点钟回到楼上。化妆室一如我离开时。没有新的纸。

我没下去。

这个礼拜二,我没下决心要不要下去。我已下决心,要等到礼拜五。礼拜五是三天后。地下的那个男人——若他是个男人,不是一栋楼——在礼拜二午夜十二点半给了我一条消息,这条消息我本不可能晓得,他也本不可能晓得我需要——除非他以某种我尚没掌握其几何的法子,听过我今晨十一点半在新雅的一场谈话,或除非他认得的某个人听过,再把消息传给他;又或者除非那场谈话被另外一些根本不是他、却也把消息传给他的人听过——那是我还无从想象的法子。

要不他在新雅放了人,要不他在泰迪身上放了人,要不他在里卡尔身上放了人,要不三处他都放了人。这几种版本里,哪一种使我更怕,我都拿不定。

我把门锁了。我搭着黄包车回家。愚园路上那位点灯人,正在熄他最后几盏灯,没抬头。

我五点前没睡着。睡下时,我梦见出云号在江上一动不动,舷边的小灯像外滩边那一串煤气灯的链子,我又梦见我哥哥的声音在唱那首小桥流水、向何处问安的歌。那声音不是我哥哥的声音。那声音是在更下面的某处,是我曾去过一次的那间屋子里,那架我曾听见、但不曾看见的钢琴上。

梦里那个声音把最末一个音多扣住一拍——比乐队会扣的多一拍——再放掉。

ENEnglish

Chapter Four — Sun Ya

Teddy Harmsworth was already at the corner table when I arrived at Sun Ya. He had been at the corner table since eleven, on the evidence of two saucers and the second pot of coffee, and he was reading the North-China Daily News without much faith in it, which was a thing he had taken up in February when he had begun to disapprove of his own writing in his own paper.

Sun Ya is on Nanjing Road, between the cinema and the umbrella shop, two doors down from Chiyu Trading. It is one of three coffee shops in Shanghai where a Chinese woman can sit at a table by the window without an explanation, and the only one of those three where the cake is honest. The cake is honest because the German baker — a man named Rudolph, who had been the pastry chef at the Cathay until 1934 and had left over a salary dispute with Sir Victor's man — refused to substitute lard for butter when the silver dollar fell against the pound sterling and the management at the Cathay had told him to do it anyway. He had set up at Sun Ya for less money. The cakes had not changed. The British wives knew. They sat at the round tables in the back. They ordered the Bienenstich and the cream-cheese tart and they talked about their cooks.

Teddy stood up when I came in. He was thirty-one, six foot one, with the thin redhead's face of a man who has been told all his life that he ought to wear a hat and who never quite has. The white linen suit was the linen suit. The collar was clean. He was, I thought, getting thinner. He had been getting thinner since February and I had not, until that Tuesday, decided whether the thinness was a thing I should mention.

"Miss Su," he said. "Good morning."

"Good morning, Mr. Harmsworth."

"You are nine minutes late, which is the second time this month, which means we have a pattern, which means I am going to be insufferable about it."

"You are not going to be insufferable about it."

"I shall be insufferable in two languages. The English insufferableness, and the Chinese insufferableness, which is the more painful one because the Chinese have had more practice."

I sat down. The waitress came at once. She brought my tea — Sun Ya is the only place in Shanghai that puts a single small white plum in the lid of the pot, which is a habit Rudolph stole from a Viennese place he had worked in his youth — and a fresh pot of coffee for Teddy. The waitress was new. She did not look at me twice. I had been coming to Sun Ya for two years and had been recognized once, by a Pathé scout, and had given him a different name on the spot — I'm Miss Yang from the Sun Sun department store, I have a sister who looks like that singer — and had not seen him since. The trick at Sun Ya was the morning light. The morning light falls onto Nanjing Road through the awning of the umbrella shop and onto the window of Sun Ya at an angle that made the women at the window look like other women than themselves. It was, I had decided, the reason I came.

"How was your weekend," Teddy said.

"Quiet."

"That is a lie."

"It is a lie. How was yours."

"Tedious. I went to the Long Bar and I drank too much gin and I argued with a man from the Standard Oil office about whether the new tariff on Japanese tin is, as the man insisted, a sensible administrative measure, or, as I insisted, the second-to-last warning before war. He did not like me by ten. By eleven we had agreed to disagree. By midnight he was buying me a fourth gin and saying he had a nephew at Caius who could possibly find me a column. I have not had a column at Caius since I was eight years old."

"Did he mean a column at the Cambridge Review."

"He meant a column at the Cambridge Review and I did not have the heart to tell him I have not been in Cambridge in eleven years and that the Cambridge Review is, if I remember, edited by undergraduates who are politely told twice a term not to libel the Master of Pembroke. I let him buy me the fourth gin. I came home in a rickshaw and I dreamed of the Cherwell. I have not dreamed of the Cherwell in a decade. This morning I woke at six and I felt the Cambridge Review on my conscience as if I had been the editor and had been failing in my duty."

"That is what gin will do to a man."

"That is what gin will do to a man." He took out the small black pocket notebook he carried for our lessons. He turned to a fresh page. "Today's vocabulary is, in your usual mistreatment of my native tongue, terrible. Indemnity. Mortgage. Defalcation. You are not going to like these."

I had liked them, in fact, when he had given them to me on Sunday. They were the words that ran in the Settlement papers above the fold on Mondays. Indemnity I had heard six times in 1936 and could not yet pronounce. Defalcation I had not heard at all, which had made me curious.

We started.

I will not tell you, in any detail, about the English lesson. Teddy was a good teacher, in the cool unsentimental way of an Englishman of his class who has decided to spend ninety minutes being interested in a student. He did not flatter. He did not condescend. He corrected my consonants where they were wrong and he corrected my vowels where they were wrong, and he did not, ever, correct my grammar, which he had told me in October was already better than two-thirds of the Settlement's English population, which was a flattering thing to say but not, in his careful way of saying it, untrue. We worked through the three words. Indemnity I now pronounced with the m in the right place. Mortgage I had gotten on the second try. Defalcation I had never said aloud and I did not now.

"Defalcation," Teddy said. "From the Latin falx, a sickle — the act of cutting away. A specifically commercial cutting away, of funds entrusted to one's care."

"Embezzlement."

"Embezzlement is for sums one ought never to have had. Defalcation is for sums one was given. The man who steals from his employer is a defalcator. The man who steals from the bank is an embezzler."

"Are there enough words for stealing in English."

"There are. There are also very specific verbs in classical Chinese — 盗 dào and 窃 qiè — which the Liji distinguishes in ways my teacher could not fully explain to me in 1932. We are quits."

I drank my tea. Two British wives at the round table behind Teddy were talking, audibly, about a Russian dressmaker on Avenue Joffre who had given one of them, in March, a qipao with a crooked seam. The conversation had been going on for forty minutes. The dressmaker, by the second wife's account, had cried.

Teddy lowered his voice.

"May I ask you a thing, Su Wanyin. As your sometime friend and not your tutor."

"You may."

"You are tired."

"I am tired."

"That is not an answer."

"It is not."

He let the moment sit. He turned the pages of the notebook over, slowly, until he was at a blank page near the back. He did not write. He set the pen down across the blank page.

"My job," he said, "is to file two columns a week for the Daily News, neither of which has been printed in full in the last fourteen months because the Settlement Council has, for fourteen months, been editing out the words Japan and aggression and concession, in that order. The first time it happened I was angry. The second time I was bewildered. The third time I went home and reread Conrad and decided that anger was a small useless animal. I have not, in fourteen months, lost the small useless animal. I am thinking of writing a book. I will not tell you what the book is about." He smiled, briefly. "I am also thinking of leaving Shanghai. I do not know whether I will."

I waited.

"That is what is the matter with me," he said. "I tell you because you tell me nothing, and on Tuesdays at Sun Ya, when I am thirty-one and married to a wife I have not seen in four years and you are twenty-two and sitting across from me without a wedding ring because there is no man in this city who has yet won the right to buy you one, the least I can do is tell you what is the matter with me. Yes?"

"Yes."

"Now. Tell me what is the matter with you. If you can. In your own time. I will not ask twice."

I stirred the tea, although the tea did not need stirring. The plum in the lid had begun, in the steam, to give off the faint sweetness it gave off about ten minutes in.

"A man," I said.

Teddy did not move.

"A man," I said again, "has begun leaving me sheets of music in places he should not have access to. He has corrected a bridge of mine in red ink. He has left me three songs of his own. He has not given me his name. He has not — let me be clear — he has not touched me. He has not asked me to come anywhere alone. He has spoken to me from across a room with a piano in it. He has not lit himself."

"Where did this room have a piano in it."

"That I will not tell you."

"All right."

"He plays Schubert," I said, "and he plays shidai qu, and on Friday night when he played the Li Jinhui he played the bridge in a way that I had not, in nine years, heard a bandleader play it. He is good. He is a good musician. He is a — " I stopped. "He is teaching me. That is the word. He is teaching me. Without asking me to pay for it."

"What does he want."

"He has not yet said."

"Wanyin." Teddy did not smile. He had, in the corner of his pale eyes, the small careful concern of a man who had grown up with sisters. "You are aware that no Englishman would ask the next question I am about to ask, because the next question I am about to ask is one of the very rude questions, and I am only asking it because in 1933 you told me to tell you in advance, when I was about to be rude, so that you could tell me whether to proceed. I am about to be rude."

"Proceed."

"Does Yao Sanye know."

"No."

"Are you certain."

"Yao Sanye sent me a message through Pearl on Sunday morning that the Rue Wagner mansion was not going to wait past August. He would not have sent that message if he knew."

"And the Englishman with the songs."

"Is not English."

"No," Teddy said. "He is not. Russian, perhaps?"

I did not answer.

"I am not asking," he said. "I am merely thinking out loud. Let me think out loud. The Settlement has — let me see — twenty thousand White Russians as of last count. Half of them on Avenue Joffre. Half of those at one of three private clubs. Of those, perhaps thirty are trained classical musicians, of whom perhaps eight have at one time or another worked at the Paramount under aliases because the union does not let them play in the Settlement under their own names. The chief band librarian at the Canidrome from 1932 to 1934 was a Russian named Tsvetkov who was rumored to be a White officer's son and who is rumored to have been killed in 1934 in a fire near Zhabei. I have not, in the two years since, heard the rumor confirmed. I have also not heard it denied. There are perhaps four other men your music-correcting friend could be. I will not list them because the listing is not, particularly, my business."

"Tsvetkov."

"Don't repeat the name. I should not have given it to you. I am thinking out loud. I do not know that any of this is connected. I do not know that it has anything to do with the man you are describing. He may be — he may very plausibly be — a young Chinese composer of the Conservatory school, classmates of Chen Gexin or someone of that cohort, who has decided to drink his cabaret money and write songs anonymously. There are six of those in this city. There are six of them every year, in fact. The Conservatory turns out at least four every June."

"The Conservatory."

"The Shanghai National Conservatory of Music. Founded in 1927 by Cai Yuanpei. On Jiangwan Road. Trains pianists, mostly. The composition department is small and quarrelsome. Boris Zakharov teaches there — the Russian — and is, by all accounts, a difficult man and a brilliant one and the reason every pianist in Shanghai under the age of thirty plays Tchaikovsky like a Russian."

I filed that away.

"Teddy," I said. "I have a thing to ask you, in return."

"Ask."

"The Paramount was built in 1932 on top of a warehouse. You told me, in November, that the architects had not bothered to clear the warehouse out. Was that idle gossip or was it documented somewhere."

"It was documented in the Settlement Public Works Office. I had been there for a different story. The story was about a contractor who had bid low on the seawall and overbilled on the marble and who had been required to give a deposition. While I was there I asked the registrar for the file on the Paramount because I had been at the Paramount on a Saturday and a friend had said the floor was famous and I was curious about the engineering of springs. The registrar — a man named Hu, no relation to your carpenter, I trust — had laughed and pulled a binder. The binder said the construction syndicate had purchased the lot in November 1931 from a Cantonese rice importer who had built a two-story warehouse on it in 1922 and gone bankrupt in 1929. The syndicate had not demolished the warehouse. They had built around it. The original brick foundations and the older sub-basement remain. There was a question, in the binder, about the storm drain. The architect had not, at the time of permitting, fully mapped where the old drain went. The Public Works Office had let it pass on the assurance that the old structure was sealed. I do not know whether it was, in fact, sealed."

"How old is the older sub-basement."

"The original 1922 build. So fifteen years ago. The brick is the small red kind that the kilns at Yangshupu fired in the 1880s, so the brick may actually be older — recycled from a torn-down structure in Hongkou, possibly, the kind of thing the Cantonese liked to do in those years to save on materials. I asked the registrar why the warehouse had been built where it was. He said it had been built because there was already a horse-cart turning circle on the lot from a stable that had stood there in 1908 to 1919. So the lot has had three structures in three decades. We are paving on top of paving in this town."

I had stopped breathing for a moment. The brick is the small red kind that the kilns at Yangshupu fired in the 1880s. That was the brick I had touched on Friday night with my left hand at the bottom of the stair.

"Are you all right," Teddy said.

"I am all right. The plum is sweet today."

"It is. Rudolph has been soaking them in something. I am not asking what."

I looked at him. He had set his hands on the table on either side of the saucer in the way he set his hands, which was the way a man's hands rest when he has decided to be patient.

"Teddy," I said. "If a person — a person who is not me — wanted to read a list of the people who were killed in the 1934 raid on the Shenxin printing press in Zhabei, where would such a person look."

Teddy did not move for two seconds. He picked up the coffee cup. He drank from the coffee cup. He set the coffee cup down.

"That is a different question," he said.

"I know it is a different question."

"It is the kind of question that gets answered, in this city, by men who do not always give the names back."

"I know."

"The list does not exist in any newspaper of record in the Settlement. The Daily News ran a paragraph on November the third of 1934 saying that the SMP and the French police had cooperated on an action against an unlicensed printing operation in Zhabei and that four persons of Chinese nationality had been killed in a fire of indeterminate origin during the operation. The names were not printed. The Chinese-language Shenbao ran a similar paragraph the same day. The L'Echo de Chine in the French Concession ran no paragraph at all, which is interesting, because the L'Echo runs everything, and which suggests the editor had been told not to. There is, however, a list. The list is in a green ledger in a desk in a third-floor room at 11 Avenue Foch which is the Bureau Politique of the French Concession police. The ledger is in French. The man with the key is a sergeant named Ricard who drinks at the Cercle Sportif on Tuesdays. I have had occasion to drink with him on Tuesdays. He has not, ever, opened the ledger in my presence. I have read three pages of the ledger once in 1935, by an arrangement I will not describe, while Ricard was using the lavatory. I did not memorize the pages. I did not write anything down. If a person who is not you wanted to know what was on those pages, that person would need to be — let me see — that person would need to be a friend of mine, and that friend of mine would need to be willing to drink three gins with a French sergeant on a Tuesday at the Cercle Sportif, and that friend of mine would need to be willing to wait the third gin and not the second."

He picked up the coffee cup again. He did not drink from it. He set it down again.

"I am that friend," he said. "If the person who is not you needs the list, the person who is not you can come to me, and I will go to Ricard, and I will get the list, and I will give it to the person, and we will never speak of it. Yes?"

"Yes."

"Wanyin."

"Yes."

"Do not, please, tell me who the person is."

"I will not."

"And do not, please, tell me what you think you are doing."

"I do not know what I think I am doing."

"That is the best answer you could have given. It happens to be the answer that has kept the Daily News from firing me four years running, although for different reasons. Eat the cake. It is more honest than the conversation."

He pushed the plate toward me. The cake was the Bienenstich, the slivered almonds glassed on top in the honey-butter Rudolph caramelized in a pan he had brought from Hamburg in 1928. I ate the cake. Rudolph came out of the kitchen and shook a flour-dusted hand at Teddy and went back in.

We did not say anything for a long minute.

"Two other things," Teddy said. "And then I will let you go."

"Yes."

"The first thing. Major Itō Kensuke is — I do not know if you have noticed — a frequent visitor to the Paramount of late. Three Friday evenings, two Saturdays, one Tuesday. Always plainclothes. Never table seven, until on Friday night past, when he sat at table seven for the first time and asked for it specifically. The maître d' has told me. The maître d' has been telling me Japanese things since November. The reason the maître d' tells me Japanese things is — let us say — among the reasons the maître d' tells me Japanese things, one of the reasons is that I pay the maître d' to tell me. The other reasons are that the maître d' is from a Catholic family in Hongkou whose nephew was beaten by a Japanese sentry at the Garden Bridge in November, and the maître d' has feelings."

"I have noticed Itō."

"He has, by now, almost certainly noticed you. Which is to say, you are now on a kind of list you were not on three weeks ago, and the list is in a building in Hongkou rather than in a green ledger in Avenue Foch. The list in the building in Hongkou is not the kind of list one talks one's way off. I am telling you because I would tell my sister, if I had a sister at the Paramount."

"I understand. Thank you."

"The second thing. I have, in the inside pocket of this coat, a fountain pen that was given to me by my father in 1920 and that I have not allowed myself to lose. I am going to put it in the saucer of my coffee cup, and you are going to take it, and you are going to keep it. It is a Conway Stewart. It writes a thin line. Do not, please, sign your name with it on anything resembling a contract. Do, please, use it for things that need to be readable in twenty years. It is — what is the English you wanted last week — legible. The fountain pen is legible. Take it."

He took the pen out of his coat. He laid it in the saucer. He pushed the saucer toward me. The pen was a dark green, almost black, with a small gold band at the cap. The nib was a fine point.

I picked it up.

"Teddy."

"Take it."

"Why."

"Because I do not know what is in the basement, and I do not know what list will exist in the next year, and I do not know whether the list that will exist will need to be written down by you, in your hand, in legible ink, on a piece of paper that will outlive the people whose names are on it. I do not know any of these things. I am giving you a pen on a Tuesday at Sun Ya. That is what I am doing. The cake is, in this transaction, a coincidence."

I put the pen in my handbag, beside the brass key, beside the three folded sheets of music, beside the Shenbao I had bought on Friday and not yet thrown away. The handbag was getting heavier. The handbag, I thought, was beginning to function as a small private bureau.

"Thank you, Teddy."

"Don't thank me. It is a fountain pen. It is forty years older than you. It is a thing my father used to write postcards to my mother in 1916 from a trench he did not, in fact, survive. Use it kindly. Now eat the rest of the cake."

I ate the rest of the cake. The British wives at the round table behind us had moved on from the dressmaker to the question of a girls' school in Surrey. The new waitress had not, in the entire conversation, looked at me twice. The morning light fell on Nanjing Road in the way it always fell. The umbrella shop next door changed its window display on the hour. A small Chinese boy in a school cap walked past Sun Ya on his way to a music lesson at Mr. Mao's at the corner of Tianjin Road. He had a violin case in his hand, which he held in the careful possessive way of a child who has been told the violin cost more than his uncle's apartment.

We sat for another minute. Then Teddy paid the bill — he paid every Tuesday; he had told me, in February of 1935, that he would pay every Tuesday until I asked him not to, and I had not asked — and he tipped Rudolph's nephew a silver dollar that Rudolph's nephew did not deserve, and we went out into Nanjing Road, and Teddy walked west toward the Long Bar and I walked east toward the Bund, and we did not look back at each other, which was our agreement.

I crossed the Bund at noon. The Customs House clock chimed twelve. The gas lamps were not lit, because it was noon. The seawall was quieter than I had expected for a Tuesday — three rickshaw men resting at the foot of Fuzhou Road, a flower vendor selling jasmine at the Hong Kong & Shanghai Bank steps, a small boy fishing illegally off the steps below the British Consulate. A British naval cutter came up the Huangpu from the south with its small white wake. Behind the cutter, very far out, the Izumo sat at anchor. The Izumo was a Japanese cruiser. The Izumo had been at anchor in the Huangpu for nine months. The Izumo would be the ship the Chinese air force tried to bomb on August 14 of the following year and would miss and would hit the corner of Nanjing Road and the Bund instead and would kill, in the doing, twelve hundred civilians on the seawall I was crossing.

I did not know that, of course, on this Tuesday in June.

I knew the cruiser was there. I knew the cruiser had been there in February and would be there in August. I knew the Settlement papers had stopped, the previous autumn, mentioning where it was anchored, on the theory — the Council's theory — that not mentioning it would, somehow, make it stop being there.

I bought a small bunch of white jasmine from the vendor at the bank steps. I put it in the handbag, on top of the Shenbao, on top of the music paper, on top of the fountain pen. The jasmine smelled of the four o'clock breeze on the river.

I went up the Bund tram line to Nanjing Road and got off and walked west into the heart of the day. I had four hours before I was due at the Paramount. I walked the four hours. I did not go home. I walked into the small lanes between Tianjin Road and Beijing Road and I looked at things I had walked past for nine years — the stationers' shops, the locksmith on Henan Road who had, on his window, a brass key the size of a forearm; the brass-engraver on Ningbo Road who advertised, on his shingle, Calling cards, name-plates, presentation watches, in two languages, three days — and I tried, with each thing, to imagine the version of me who had spent nine years walking past these things without seeing them. The version of me did not entirely exist anymore. The version of me had, on Friday night at midnight, gotten on a stair that had not been on any map she had been issued, and the stair had walked away with a portion of her.

At four I bought a small bunch of red-tipped lilies for Auntie Lin from a vendor on Sichuan Road. At five I went into the lane and put the lilies in a jar on the harmonium and Auntie Lin, half-asleep, said what a kind girl, and at six I went out the back door of the lane and got a rickshaw back to the Paramount and went in through the service door and up the back stair to the dressing room.

There was no sheet of music tonight on the vanity, or behind the wardrobe, or in the lining of the dove-grey qipao I was wearing for Tuesday's set.

I felt — and I will say this honestly — disappointed. I felt the small mean disappointment of a woman who has begun, in only seventy-two hours, to expect to be addressed.

I dressed. I sang. The Japanese officer at table seven was there again. He had moved one seat closer to the bandstand. He did not look at me. Yao Sanye in the gallery lifted two fingers on the bridge of the second song. I leaned on the third syllable of fragrant for him, because he had asked for it, because he was watching, because Pearl had said we are going to keep him pleased on Tuesdays and Fridays. I leaned, and I did not enjoy the lean, and the bankers in the gallery got their catch, and the brandy importer at table fourteen lifted his head.

I came up after the second set. I did not take the cigarette Pearl held out.

In my dressing room, on the vanity, just under the powder compact in the same place the first note had been on Friday, there was a fresh sheet of paper.

It was not music this time.

It was a single quarto sheet, the same Pathé cheap kind, with a single line in the same brushed cursive in red ink:

Sergeant Ricard drinks at the Cercle Sportif on Tuesdays. Do not send your Englishman. He has been followed since Monday.

I read the line three times. I sat down. I read it a fourth time.

I put the line in the handbag, behind the other three, in front of the Shenbao, on top of the jasmine.

Then I sat at the vanity and I looked at the woman in the mirror and I did not, this time, recognize her at all. The woman in the mirror knew what I had said to Teddy at Sun Ya at half past eleven that morning. The woman in the mirror knew what Teddy had said to me. The woman in the mirror was not a person I had agreed to be.

In the wall, at the corner of the wallpaper near the bottom of the seam, the hairline was as it had been.

I did not press it.

I lifted the powder compact. I tilted the small mirror in the lid. I looked at the seam in the wallpaper through the small mirror. The seam, in the small mirror, was very clearly a seam.

"Are you there," I said, quietly, into the room.

I waited.

The room said nothing back.

After a long minute I lowered the powder compact. I went down to the third set. I sang. Jimmy King watched me on the bridge with the eyebrow at the half centimeter and let it stay. Yao in the gallery did not look up on the bridge tonight; he had set his glass down on the second song and was now reading a small slip of paper a lieutenant had brought him. Whatever the paper said, he did not, after he read it, look at me again that evening. He left at midnight without his usual nod. Three of the four lieutenants left with him. One stayed at the gallery table with the Maotai unfinished and watched, in the way of men paid to watch, the dance floor.

I came up at one. The dressing room was as I had left it. No new paper.

I did not go down.

I had not, on this Tuesday, decided whether to go down. I had decided to wait until Friday. Friday was three days. The man in the basement, if he was a man and not a building, had given me, on a Tuesday at half past midnight, a piece of information that I could not have known and that he could not have known I needed unless he had been, in some way I did not yet have the geometry of, listening to a conversation I had had at Sun Ya at half past eleven this morning, or unless someone he knew had been listening, or unless the conversation had been listened to by other people who were not him at all, and who had also passed the news to him, in a way I could not yet imagine.

Either he had a man at Sun Ya, or he had a man on Teddy, or he had a man on Ricard, or he had all three. I could not, in any of these versions, decide which made me more afraid.

I locked the door. I went home in a rickshaw. The lamp-lighter, putting out his last lamps on Yuyuan Road, did not look up.

I did not sleep until five. When I slept, I dreamed of the Izumo in the river, motionless, the small lights along its rail like the gas-lamp chain along the Bund, and I dreamed of my brother's voice singing the song of the small bridge and the flowing water and the question of where one shall ask after peace. The voice was not my brother's voice. The voice was somewhere underneath, in a room I had been in once, with a piano I had heard but not seen.

In the dream the voice held the last note one beat longer than the band would have held it, and let it go.